Author: Jake

HUNGER

EROHERETIC – Hunger 🔞

This Mortal Burden Chapter 1 This is a long read. Just a quarter of this novel I wrote awhile ago. I cringe at some of it, because I was younger, with a great lack of wisdom. Although I think I caught detail of the action pretty well.    

This Mortal Burden Chapter 1 – Dark Future Sci-Fi

Each of us has different definitions, some think it’s at first site, other’s a contract, still other’s an ongoing test of actions, some complete domination & control, or on the flip side utter submission & surrender.

I think most of us experience, males and females, all of the above in different degrees. And…..At different times of our lives.

I do know, that it is a constantly evolving system, that romance, desire, and passion that pulls you together can be broken, decay slowly, rot in place or it can intensify, grow, bond, connection will become stronger, bonded.

Love and staying in love involves each person to evolve, to adapt; because just as much a person puts into themselves in their relationship with their own self/body, a relationship involves extactly that same type of work that needs to be put into it. As human’s as we age we all change, so does our feeling of what it means to be loved.

*You put in more work and that effort is reciprocal with your lover/partner, and they meet you, you know that you are loved.*

*You put in more work and the effort is not reciprocal, to meet you, then you understand that their love is not the same as yours. It doesnt mean they dont love you in other ways, just not as a lover.*

   It means they do not love you in the same way you love them. Both of your views about what love is are different, that difference creates friction, communication breakdown, and the decay i mentioned.

Love is a responsibility, love is giving yourself your vulnerabilities & strengths to compliment the strengths & vulnerabilities of your partner, so you both become better versions, grow as a persons, be as a unit, not a singular self, you are greater than the sum, when aglined the power you both feel is a feeling/time you will never forsake.

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #5

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #5

Self-inflicted Speciecide

I have no white whale to consume my soul, I am that white whale. Born a beast a monster: failures, oppression, hurt, murder, rape, death, genocide, femicide, and even your internal misery. I am your enemy i am your monster. qualities you possess, your biological virtuous signaling superiority; a kingdom built of rage safe space […]

White Whale

Agammenon

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #3

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #3

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #4

ALIEN_RELAY – ISSUE #4

Ecoheretic We are just independent actors in a play with no audience.

EROHERETIC – Curve of your back  🔞

DRIP

EROHERETIC – Drip  🔞

MISSIONARY

EROHERETIC – Missionary 🔞

……..meet me in the endless deep

          Deep

STORM VS. STONE

EROHERETIC – STORM vs. STONE 🔞

My favorite Christmas ornament got it last year on sale.

I made these joke’s myself and i have this thing with wasting my brain cells thinking of stupid things. They are all terrible & I want to apologize in advance. I also have a real job, so don’t worry im not homeless or starving.

1. What do you call a prostitute that walks backwards?

2. What is the best state to by a Sconce in?

3. What is the name of a rave that only dwarfs can go to?

A picture of me wearing a croc

1. A back hoe
2. Wisconsin
3. A Microrave

Cringe names for a bar:

1. The Stanky Taint

2. The Sleazy Uncle

3. The Crematorium (micro-brewery).

Cringe names for child care establishments:

1. Child’s Play
2. Mommy Dearest
3. Crabby Crappers
4. Diaper Don’s

I’ve gotten a little more sleep this week, but somehow, I am tireder. New Posts Books I finally finished I Hear You Watching by Zachary Dillon. This was a crazy ride from start to finish, based on the author’s own experiences hearing voices. Vulnerable, honest, funny, and scary sometimes. Zac is a great writer, and […]

Honk Honk #03

Emotional armor is not a concept ive ever contemplated or a tool that I ever developed. Just words that others used to tell others, as if the words alone will protect you. I never really had much of it to begin with I’ve always been ultra-sensative growing up. I was easily bullied by boys, […]

Without Armor

I read somewhere, i forgot were, that chicken wings are one of the most powerful aphrodisiac foods that exist. Who knew 🤷‍♂️.

     Emotional armor is not a concept ive ever contemplated or a tool that I ever developed. Just words that others used to tell others, as if the words alone will protect you. I never really had much of it to begin with I’ve always been ultra-sensative growing up.

I was easily bullied by boys, girls, family, i would cry at the hint of being teased. “Wake up! Jacob! Put on your Makeup”, one of the earliest taunts on me for as long as i can remember.

   Oh, it got results, on school busses, family gatherings, pretty much anywhere at any time. I was an open nerve to the world, beat up easily, reactionary at every taunt; getting me into fights, crying like a baby.

   Oh, and I was a total sore loser too. I took losing personal. My failures at not being able to control my emotions and being shown that I couldn’t with relative ease like other people; it reflected to me, that I was lesser person, inferior to the stronger ones, zero selfesteem in myself for long stretches.

   Having your selfesteem destroyed daily and then zero attention given to you by family, while they focused on my older sibling, well it’s not easy. Me, the well behaved quite son. Strong on the outside for my family, but an open nerve to the rest of the world.

I have grown up and I show little emotion in public or in stressful situations. In times of strife or emergency I become calm, hard as diamond, under pressure, but my mind was/and still is a daily battleground nobody ever cared to truly  understand. It’s a learned detachment. I was conditioned to be strong on the outside for everyone else and I did it for myself to survive life. I do not belong, I have never belonged.

I wonder what it would be like if I was in a world of love, beauty, sex, and real connection; I’d imagine I’d be a happy person.

Not having emotional armor is because you are not given the chance to develop it; I’m pretty sure it is a reason why I developed anxiety/panic/dissociation disorder that manifested in my teen years (Oh, i did a lot of drugs too, probably held it off for a few more years my guess 😉 ).

    I have been conditioned and have adapted outward, to focus on the state of others, either willingly or having it being thrust onto me in situations were you and the others around you, are constistantly focused on someone else’s emotional pain; you are left out, on the outside.

  If you ever said to yourself that you will
take on “another person’s pain or sadness”, asked the universe or your angels, demons, gods or goddesses, to take the “pain” onto you,  you understand what I mean.

   I simply don’t want to see other people in pain, especially those I love. It exacts a heavy price. I have been conditioned to face the world, other people, issues, death, anger, sadness and all it’s cruelty head on. I dont shrink away unless it’s my own pain.

   Those like me, have to face the world, and what it throws at us. We ingest the cruelty, the sadness and process it to move on to the next challenge. We don’t want to hate, we dont want to be filled with rage, we consume others sadness and anger, and transmute it.

  My understanding is limitless as is my empathy. My desire for justice, equality, and equity fierce. My love is intense, and my logic cold and sharp, my passion endless. I exist in two worlds. A world detached from all emotion, also a world where i care for all. It makes me hard to love. I finally understood this fact earlier this year.

    I think in layers and systems, in scale and time, my awareness is as immense as is my compassion. My mind is the product of emotional & functional adaptation to my environment, but really, I’m just survivor like everyone else in this hard cruel reality, were the fair is foul and the foul is fair.

I know i dont blog on personal things often and some would say when i do im not serious.

Here are some of my relatives. Not to sure if you could pick me out.