Sleep Paralysis
Had lots of it in my 20s and 30s..I still have them, but they are not as acute as when I used to sleep on my back. I’m conscious, while my brain locks down my physical reactions so I can not move. The opposite of night terrors & Sleep walking.
A wall of fear has kept me from the abyss of eternal sleep.
This wall feeds upon my soul; it hungers for my nightmares, a half-delusional matrix caught betwixt consciousness and the domain of vivid alien visions.
Somewhere in this realm lurks a terrible shadow of my reality. A grotesque mocking of the material plane. It teases and prods me, offering unknown vistas of experience and mind. A quest through the immense expanse of the universe, beyond the normal view of existence, to places where only the mind can enter.
The shadow mocks me with these alien expanses of thought and space; it forces me back with a wall of my own fears. This fear, my loathing, and the inability to take that final step, cross that narrow line that will force me over sanity’s edge—an edge I know I can never come back from.
Yet, I crave the genius of insanity, that foresight of the unkown senses, reaching farther beyond the greatest minds, to have insight into the depth of the soul, to know the mad creator of the universe, to be one with omnipotent existence!
©️ Jacob Pickard 2026.
Ecoheretic 