I create. I desecrate. I am the one. I equal none.
My presence is a curse, to those at this place.
Irreverent to the scene, a perversely orchestrated machine. Am I selfish when I ask how others view me, or is it a violation to judge others on how they view themselves.
Counter Culture Sub Culture Pop Culture
To tactfully dislike this illusion of community; I create myself, distance myself, sick of this illusion based on over self-indulged rightousness.
How they judge themselves more pure than the rest of society, an illusion created by the
Compartmentalized Accessed when needed Cached in dust Pushed away, Given the hand Boundries surround me, not for thee Break glass, emergency Kept to the edges Unsupported extension Unable to convert Purpose lost Overwhelmed in memory
Know this, a person that breaks the narrative is a threat to ideology.
Substack: Alien Relay 3.0/Eroheretic – May of 2025 to December 25th, 2025
First, I met a lot of great people on SS. Many i am still fond of, but when the “ss notes” became more like any other sm (in long form mind you), to me it became no better than bskye.
2025 was also one of the hardest years of my life in a personal and on an emotional level. What follows is intimately tied with my sexual assaults, and I can not finish my story without having it be part of this prompt. I probably cried out my body weight in 2025.
Some on SS found me being vocal and speaking out a threat to the narrative, but I was not trying to be a threat or equate male sexual assault of woman to female sexual assault on men. I was just coming out to tell my story, so other men, don’t have to suffer in silence, and maybe get a little help in a mental health & criminal system that ignores or excludes male sa victims based on biology & conditioned behaviors.
Because for a lot of men, it ends in suicide.
Since my background is in science i decided to do some research on sexual assault of males, commited by females.
All I found was two studies!
Woman have every right to demand more studies about female medical issues / I think men have this same right to demand studies on the taboo topic of sexual assault on them.
32% of men are Sexually assaulted by women every year, that’s about a little under 1/3 of the population of the US.
The rate of emotional abuse in male/female relationships is about even at ~43%.
Males are expected to respond affirmatively to all female sexual advances.
These two facts alone break the narrative we grew up with. I myself, a diehard lefty male for most of my life, till the middle of last year, was clueless and had no idea about these statistics. What I think about modern femenism? vs. What I considered feminism? – is another blog entirely, and I don’t want to get into it now.
The first man I met who told me he was sexually assaulted, I personally was disgusted by him. It was a reaction, that as a man i was conditioned to have. The reaction was fucking surreal, me a survivor of sa, disgusted by another male sa survivor. Eventually we started talking about how we felt after being assaulted and three reactions were similar:
1. We felt it was completely our fault.
2. Our sense of masculinity was destroyed and had to be rebuilt ground up.
3. We felt like we were the ones who were guilty, as if we were guilty of the assault.
4. No one cared and there were no options for help (this being the worst of them).
Earlier on SS probably June, I did come out about my assaults, most people and woman had so much grace, they empathized with me, gave me hope at a time when I was at my lowest. Still I didn’t think I was allowed to call myself a victim. Until I met a woman named Michelle, who said, I was a “survivor.”
This changed my life, only then I felt I was able, allowed, to TAKE the “victim” label (it’s not given to adult men who survive, we have to take it.) There was a lot of back and forth in my mind, sometimes it was the “all women” guilt game , other times i was a rage filled aggreived victim, and the most difficult, “There was no way I could identify as a male feminist anymore”, i had to kill that part of myself to move forward. It was a core part of my identity since at least 16, it was as if i ripped out a part of my soul. I felt betrayed by femenism, the left, and Democrats. I also realized that I had deep ingrained misandry in my mind, because in 2025 I learned i was considered a villian at birth.
“How could I be a villian, if i was victimized by a woman?”
This filled me with rage, a deep ingrained rage, that was tearing me apart. I got really dark, considered taking myself off the list, dark hopeless days they were. Then I wrote this: Mirror
One of the worst things ive ever written, but it had to be done or there was the alternative.
Yes, there’s a manosphere, but there’s also a femosphere too. From the MAGA right i was a pathetic simp that should be killed or i should kill myself, this is to be expected, not surprised, but it still didn’t sit right.
The worst however came from the left:
1. Told I was still privileged, and being assaulted was probably not as bad as I say.
2. It’s patriarchy’s fault & the assaulters internal misogyny made them do it.
3. Numerous times I was told I should be objectified more and be raped multiple times. That any woman empathizing with me, was wrong and I was manipulating them.
4. I was stalked, the last time at the end of November and into December on my notes and published works, again i was attacked for explaining the statistics and saying that “anyone who is assaulted, regardless of sex, should be treated equally.” Apparently for some; I was to be punished for the sins of other men.
At least the right is honest in their hatred that I should die, the left was all about punishment & revenge.
I was done, SS with notes became a lot like Blueskye, becoming full of horrible people (Also before SS got popular with writers it was a favorite platform for neo-nazi’s and white supremacists, racist, bigots, and trans-hating femenists.). I left Christmas day. Here is a link, a goodbye & reasons, my: SwanSong
I decided to come back to WP-JP. It’s Nice and slow, no doom scrolling for likes, little drama and most of the time everyone i meet is pretty cool.
Im mostly Isolated on my island. If my writing is read or not, I don’t care. If others like it, i appreciate you. If people don’t like it,i still appreciate you for taking a look.
I had a medication change from a Zoloft generic to a new medication on November of 2024, which works much differently than the serotonin based zoloft. Changing not only made me susceptible to seasonal affective disorder, but I began to suffer from depression, with Trump winning, my overall mental health took a hit.
Blueskye: Ecoheretic – December 2024
I was not prepared for social media and how people are protected from face-to-face interactions. Because of my medication change i was not prepared emotionaly, I’ve always had little to no armor, and I am very sensative.
I went back on with the intention to network with others to resist. Well, it was a joke. The left is just a shadow of what it was. Different factions segregate themselves from eachother. Feminists vs. Labor, Progressives vs. Democrats, Identity politics vs. Moderate dems, etc… the entire left at war with itself. Walled into their areas of group think. The hatred i felt directed at me for being a white male, as if I had the choice of how I was born, was intense. The hatred I felt for coming out about my sa’s was intense. One poster literally said male assault victims didn’t matter, like it was like saying “all lives matter”. On the right i wasn’t even a man, but a pathetic simp that should be killed, well, left & right that feeling of not belonging to anyone or anything intensified.
This is the fact, I am one man, I am not “all men”, and I am sick of being guilted for the actions of other men and being assaulted does not make me less of a man. Men can have an inner misandrist, it’s real. Being granted victim status however, an adult male is not given it by soceity in fact no one wants to talk about it or deal with it, its taboo. Men have to take it if they want to heal. I had yet to take my victim status, and I needed permission to do it.
So, like any other human, I made myself small after that, cleared my history twice, started publishing some poetry, I couldn’t get it all on my posts, so I researched website platforms and WP was politicaly one of the best, as in it doesnt feed the tech bro’s.
Fate? The first person I connected with on blsky was a misandrist lesbian goethe goth. She needed help and I did help. I don’t think she needed all of it, but whatever happened it got me rediscovering myself & help crack my suppressed memories. She has my eternal thanks.
WP-JP: Echoheretic – March of 2025
At first it started out okay, I would publish on WP and then put the link on Blueskye. I did this till about April, and then left Blueskye, I was done with the instant judgement of my character, things said taken out of context, being blocked, stalked, harassed.
For most of April & May I enjoyed WP-JP. I learned that i liked writing erotica, found out i was good at it. Then another writer started to gaslight me. At first it was uplifting that she would react to my work, but that only lasted so long, everything changed when I came out about my sa’s. Ill just say her initials were DD, and her gaslighting towards me was based on ideology. So I decided to leave for Substack, I was sick of being mistreated.
Substack: Alien Relay 3.0/Eroheretic – May of 2025
Things got better, and then they got worse.
When i moved over to SS the notes part of it just started. In fact it was okay at first, but at the start of 2025 SS was getting a lot of press and getting more popular.
At this time I was emotionaly wrecked, my identity as a white male lefty with strong femenist ideals was on the way to being destroyed, questioning my own masculinity and worth, my confidence destroyed, the moral superiority of the left disgusted me after being on the receiving end. In fact there were times that I felt like it was my fault for my assaults, like I was the one who made them do it. I would literally cry everyday on my way to work, and the way home. It was the only place I could let it out without an audience. That rage i was suppressing, that I didn’t want to let out, but it wanted to be let out, was working its way out. And little at a time “all woman” would pass my mind.
Know this, a person that breaks the narrative is a threat.
I dont do writing prompts often. This is a long memoir, because my journey didn’t just start with me waking up and deciding to put my work online. It was evolution and adaptation that has led me here.
I think what’s more interesting is why i decided to end up using WP-JP as my chosen platform.
I literally have miles of written content & underground published essays, fiction, poetry, prose, illustration, water color painting,activism, political opinion editorials, zines, been in punk bands, music, miles of creation behined me over the long years. The majority in hardcopy, much of it now lost.
I’ve been writing in some capacity most of my life. I normally don’t write biographical peices, because as a fiction and prose writer my experiences are written in as code: I use them indirectly, I enjoy it, its fulfilling to world and character build, and the “act-of-writing” also acts as therapy.
I was Fully active writing until about 2002. After 2000 my focus went to education, I got a BS in Ecology, spending a few summers doing Marine Ecology based on islands both in the north Pacific and north Atlantic.
Me at a hotel drinkng retreat I set up in New Hampshire in the summer of 1999 when I spent 4 months doing Marine Ecology and working on Appledore Island off the coast of New Hampshire.
In Wisconsin i did lot’s of invasive species work, herbariums for the Mueseum, urban forestry surveys, worked in a vineyard, etc…but Ecology jobs were in short Supply and I needed insurance. So I became a Field Chemist cleaning up Hazardous Waste. I traveled the midwest, plains states, and the south for about 2ish years, untill i got a Biotech job. I liked the travel, but my mind was on not getting poisoned, melted by acids and bases, or blowing up.
2010-2011: Alien Relay 2.0 an online political blog in the wake of the Wisconsin Uprising after the Republicans killed public unions.
In 2012: My writers block and a loss-of-self began…………Summer of 2019: I had a trauma reaction from my relationship that expressed itself in a long hypersexual period & delibating anxiety & dissociation, this unhealthy awakening would lead to something even more traumatic. I Dabled in hook-up apps, reddit, kik, AFF, etc….was catfished, scammed, grifted on…I failed in spectacular fashion trying to hook-up…I learned these things were not for me. You needed to be hard, cynical, and couldn’t trust anything. Funny thing at this time, I thought non-binary meant people who didn’t use dating apps. 😅 That’s either really cute or appallingly ignorant, I like to think a little of both.
December 2019: Covid fears start worldwide as China is hit hard in Chengdu.
January 2020: At the biotech firm we got a majority of are synthetic DNA bases from Chengdu, we started masking and gloving up in the material handling/hazardous waste department I ran. I often worked by myself for weeks, while coworkers were out due to early social isolation recommendations.
April 2020: Covid hits New York; by then i fully surpressed my needs. The biotech firm i worked for created Nucleotides, which were needed for the first few rounds of the MRNA vaccines, where i worked was one of the few places that made it and mostly for research before Covid. My Zoloft generic dose was doubled by my psychiatrist, i also started to become a serotonin zombie, increasing my already strong dissociation and suppressing my sexual needs. We would get a year’s worth of material in 3 weeks! Needless to say from the start of 2020 till when I was downsized/fired in August of 2022 (the corporation execs needed more ponies for their children). I was busy nonstop from the second I walked into work to the second I left work. I was 120% exhausted. However I am proud of the work i did, I helped save untold numbers of people’s lives by working with purpose, regardless of recognition I wear my work in that period as a badge of honor.
November 2023: On a November in 2023 on a Thursday i was locked out of the house, then I was sexually assaulted twice by two different woman in one night. I suppressed that trauma deep within me, telling nobody until January of 2025. Until this day, my immediate family does not know.
November 2015: I left social media, Facebook, in 2015 after I learned how Zuckerberg/FB with Cambridge Analytica’s help, helped Trump win by data-mining and targeting people. Being politically active, that was enough for me to quite, I also felt SM as hallow. In December of 2024 after Trump won, my politically active-self stirred and I joined Blueskye to battle X. Fact: Many X’ers that either left SM earlier like I did or it was their first time became active on Blueskye.
Holy Fuck! I was, we were, not prepared at all for what Social Mediabecame!
The borderline The borderline The borderline The borderline
Red and roses Lips and breath Hair and dolls They’re look alike
Smoke and mist Night and midnight The deep and hell They really get me
Flip and fly Heal and feel Flower and poison Are on the brink
The borderline The borderline The borderline The borderline
Body and Jell-O Crack and jazz Arch and bridge They’re look alike
Meet me and hit me Tiny and sticky candy Kiss and eating Are just the same things
Free and fall And love and low Evil make you feel good Can’t help doing that
The borderline The borderline The borderline The borderline
The Borderline” is a song by character Sharon Apple and performed by Akino Arai. It is featured in the anime OVA series Macross Plus and its compilation movie.
Energy Given freely Is as breathing For me Understanding Until now, ive had so much of it But, frankly I Am Utterly Exhausted I Speak Truth I Endless hope I Set Boundries I Don’t give up ……Why do I feel guilty?
Truth I am prey Human predators smell empathy As Sharks smell blood in the water Allowing myself to be used without equal reciprocity Used Endless cycle(s) of neglect Affection to weapon Sex to Weapon Shrunk as weapon Tool of endless emotional grounding Control Power Stability Comfort
I Am Tired …….So very very tired And I’m afraid I Have Changed I Am Broken Victim Survivor Pariah
A life devoid of touch, love, passion, a pillar of rough-hewn granite, to make other’s lives more comfortable so they don’t have to feel guilt. A mirrored avatar to reflect what they want to see; taking responsibility for the cowardly acts of their Phantoms. Selfish Ideological Narcissists, making victims that exist in the interstitial spaces, Acceptable losses in the war. A living taboo, stigmatized, no one wants to touch this flesh, it is taboo made real. Aged masculinty shattered into dull edges, ego ripped out, longtime ideological identity destroyed; the devouring mother’s hunger satiated.
I no longer want to try to identify with anyone, as anyone, or with any group. All are phantoms. The gulf is now infinite. Not your spaces in-between, because nothing exists on either side. Playing my part in the background, while the Phantoms roleplay; it’s the curse of total detached awareness & empathy. Pain hidden in the shadows, invisible to all.
Pariah is my rightful place, I am the sacrificial king: I will let this demon eat my soul.
……and I will REVEL in the consumption
One with the Pariah that haunts the interstitial spaces
the Pariah that whispers to the phantoms in your nightmares
I don’t usually preface my prose, but I think this one is important that I explain. This peice comes at the end of a hard year plus of soul searching after acknowledging to myself that I was sexuslly assaulted. After nearly two years plus I buried it deep, but in the fall of 2024 on a cold morning while filling my car at Costco it all came back and hit me like bricks of ice. I barely made it through the day at work, but I did it somehow. All assault victims experience the same things, but men especially white men are given very little acceptance or grace by soceity as a whole, left & right ideologies judge heavy on your worth after, or even your right to claim victimhood in a world that wants you silent. It took most of the year to consider myself a survivor.
I guess its the times, but I have spent a very long time pondering aggreivment after being swallowed by it and spit out. The pull to hate and rage at those of the opposite sex was strong, some days it had consumed me. Too blame ALL women for the actions of a few, is absurd! I don’t want to be bitter or aggrieved, I think this poem captures the toxic cycle of aggreived victimhood. I had come to terms and this poem exposes what it is. Yours, Jake
Why does the bar tip the other way, while trying to equate and balance both sides? to much weight on one pan the fulcrum tilts, the beam always holds, the beam always wins
the villians are now the oppressed, the once oppressed villians
Transmutation of suffering into bitter rage Alchemized survivor becomes the predator
Spittle & spite Vengance so bright Inferior to superior Your Humanity now blight
My dear organizing systems forming entwining, no boundaries of the bottomless hunger of self-righteous rage the victims, the survivors
It doesnt matter to It who is in control, It doesnt care about justification, the thing exists.
Hoary worm of eons crushes bones, devours flesh, pukes blood, gnashing sinew, slurps guts, sucks entrails smashed made into mash Bulbous rot, engorging the gullet, suffering inside the gaping hole, digested birthing vile gas from the fermented bile of humanities sins
Orborus the obese worm, engorged distented on your suffering; prey-as-to-predator-to-victim-survivor-as-to-predator…as-to-victim…it’s the sweet….
Okay people out there in WP land this is a difficult question and one that is very hard to answer.
It gets worse if you have diverse musical genres you enjoy and listening moods that you mold the music around your feelings or state at the time.
Personaly; punk, hardcore, metal, & rock have been my main as well as many of the sub-genera’s of them all. Dark wave, industrial, blues, Ambient, folk, Folk Nordic metal, old country and bluegrass. I also like classical, early rap, more jazzy hip-hop/trip-hop or political (here’s looking at you Public Enemy) rap. I’ve never much been into pop, but PJ Harvey, Lady Gaga & Billie Elish i have a soft spot for because of their voice, they speak their truth’s, and the dark feminine nature they exude (Check out Chelsea Wolf). Im not a swifty but I like that she speaks out her politics and stands her ground.
So I im going to try to answer one of the questions I asked above and of course it is not 100%, but my favorite band(s) of all time goes to CLUTCH. Every song is a story, the lyrics build it into a saga, and the music a foundation for a mythology.
I first saw them in my brother’s basement in Madison, WI. Everytime I see them it’s like meeting up with an old friend.
Released 1991
Released 1995
Released 1998
Released 2013
Released 2022
Clutch Clutch Album Cover 1995
Honorable mentions go to Carcass, The Dead Boys, Mastodon, Gwar, Godflesh, Boy Sets Fire, Paradise Lost, Subhumans, Grinch (west coast progressive hardcore), Bahaus, Circle Jerks, Black Flag,Amy Winehouse, The Cure, Beethoven, Curve, Public Enemy, Anthrax, Conflict, Brian Eno, Front Line Assembly, Skinny Puppy, Chelsea Wolf, Suldusk, Swallow the Sun, Red Fang, Melvins, My Bloody Valentine, Coil, etc…etc…etc…etc.…
Released 1986
Released 1992
Released 2019
Released 2006
Released 1991
Released 1977
So what do ally’all like? Can you answer this question?
So back in 2015 I stopped using Facebook and Social media all together, i did have a My Space before that. In-between I dabled in Reddit, twitter, and Instagram all of which in my point of view are cesspools. Not that I’m a saint, but I detest those who catfish & scam, trolls, asshole partisians, virtue superiority signaling, maga, aggreivment gender supremacist, trauma grifters, and the general way people treat eachother with disrespect and make instant judgements on your life and character. Also, the stalkers, who go after you, plenty of those ass hats.
I orginally quit social media in 2015 for two reasons, with my friends it felt hallow and fake why not just talk, the second was how MAGA used it with Cambridge Anylitica to get Trump elected, blatant manipulation and FaceBook was cool with it: that was to me grounds to tell FB to fuck off. I haven’t been back since, nor Amazon for that matter. I’ve always made decsions based on my politics and where I spend my money and what platform I allow to advertise to me i take important. One of the reasons I left Substack, because it’s owned by a libertarian tech bro. After the Charlie kirk assination they let MAGA gaslight and make death threats for at least a week. I have no doubt just like Zuckerberg & X, soon as a writer or blogger they will write into the terms that your work, copyright, or IP will no longer be protected.
The thing that disappoints me the most about social media is relationships with other people, or the superficiality of them. I am a person who always is trying to “bond”. I’ve found that the vast majority of people you think you are bonding with are not treating the experience of learning about eachother the same way you would physically, as in face to face. It’s as if the wired has a “buffer” that keeps these bonds that you build from ever becoming reality. I can’t imagine how it is to date with online apps, it must be like going through a menu at a 24 hour greek restaurant at 3am with a bunch of other drunk people.
In December of 2024, I went back in and to blueskye trying to push back against X like many X’ers, then came WordPress for my writing, then I left both for Substack in may of 2025 (also, partly because a WordPress writer was actively gaslighting me). I went to SS just when the notes part (the social media part) of SS came online. Though, I met a lot of cool people on Blueskye & Substack many who had helped me through some of the toughest emotionaly horrible months of my life, there has been only one that I have a meaningfull relationship with that I have from all of it.
The cruelty I faced for coming out regarding my assaults was sometimes overwhelming. The anger and spite directed at me for speaking out just to be heard, the cruelty, the hate, the rage. I finally had enough of it on SS too, like I had on Blueskye. Living with an assault considered taboo, I have no idea what I was thinking trying to find answers on social media sites. I was desperate just to find some grace in a world that views you as a villian at birth, even though you were not the villian, and the experience goes against the narrative.
Now, I plan on staying on WordPress. The last year has been an education for me. Social media is not for some people, I am one of them.
I’m a writer, on the darker side, and a terrible artist, but what I show you and what you read is genuine, it’s from my heart and mind. The majority of the art or images I take myself.
I give you me and I ask nothing from you in return.
This was a compilation punk 7″ from the early 90’s to support the Mowhawk native American Resistance against the Mexican government. This is a lesson on what needs to happen in the United States.
Each of us is a temple of ego: a beacon to the uncaring universe, that has no value for organic, the growth, over the membrane of existance.
What? You think that you are the pinnacle of creation (or evolution for the atheists)
How precious?
We, you, us, an abberation in the universal plan. We know existence is a curse. The Increased organization & order brings suffering, losers in an extistance that will disappear, we are nothing.
Fighting against the entropy of bliss, we are the chaos in a reality evolving into absolute nothing, perfection.
I write this to make us small? Is this an excerise to crush your ego? Or to test it?
Ecoheretic 